Bits and Pieces
by mugglemom08
Summary: Random ficlets. Each is meant to stand on its own, but some may be expanded in the future.
1. Shower

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If they were, Bella would've made Edward grovel at the end of New Moon, Edward would've given Bella hell for kissing Jacob in Eclipse, and Renesmee - if she existed at all - would've had a normal name.

**A/N: Many thanks to LovelyBrutal and badjujube for pre-reading, and to shelikethesound, naelany, and luvrofink for answering all my questions about GDocs and the editing/publishing process on here. You ladies rock my socks.**

**~*Shower*~**

Edward ran in the back door, his brothers hot on his heels. He was filthy from their hunting trip (no boys-only getaway was complete without at least one wrestling match, according to Emmett), and was anxious to get cleaned up before seeking out his wife.

Bella wasn't in their third-floor bedroom, so Edward continued on into their en-suite bathroom. He pulled back the curtain and started the shower. While waiting for the water to heat up, he stripped off his ruined clothes and dropped them on the floor.

~*~*O*~*~

Bella hurried down the hall to the room she shared with Edward. She hadn't realized the boys were back from their "camping" trip until Jasper came charging into his and Alice's room, where Alice and Bella were watching bad 80's movies.

As she closed the bedroom door behind her, she heard the shower start. She almost turned around and left, but her desire to see her husband was too strong. She locked the door and walked toward the bathroom.

Bella peeked through the gap in the shower curtain as Edward stepped back into the cascading water. His bronze locks darkened and flattened to his head, making his jawline seem even sharper.

She couldn't tear her eyes away from the rivulets of water running down his marble-hard chest, over his washboard abs, and into the closely-trimmed hair between his legs.

With her bottom lip firmly between her teeth, she watched him squeeze his body wash into his hand. His head tilted back under the shower head as he lathered his arms and upper body. Soon his hands followed the trail of suds down, down, down until he reached his penis. He grasped his rapidly-hardening length and began languidly stroking from base to tip.

Bella stifled a whimper as she felt moisture pool between her legs. With his eyes still closed, Edward took a deep breath and the corners of his mouth lifted in a smirk. "I don't mind if you want to stand there and watch, but you're more than welcome to join me."

Her shirt was on the floor before he finished speaking.

**Constructive criticism is welcome, but please be gentle as this is my first fic. Also, if you'd be interested in beta'ing for me, let me know; I'm in the market for one.**


	2. Checkmate

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If they were, Bella would've made Edward grovel at the end of New Moon, Edward would've given Bella hell for kissing Jacob in Eclipse, and Renesmee - if she existed at all -would have a normal name.

**A/N: LovelyBrutal and badjujube pre-read.**

**~*Checkmate*~**

Carlisle closed the garage door behind him, happy to be home after a very long shift at the hospital. He walked into the living room and stopped short at the scene before him.

Jacob was stretched out on one of the sofas with Nessie curled up on his chest, both sound asleep. Esme was half-leaning, half-sitting on the back of one of the chairs, watching Edward and Jasper who were seated on the floor with a chess board between them. Oddly, the rest of the family was watching as well, matching looks of anticipation on their faces. Odder still, Bella was back-to-back with Jasper, leaning against him with her eyes closed.

"What's going on here?" he asked Esme as he stood next to her and pulled her into his embrace.

She grinned before replying, "You know that Bella's been playing around with her gift, practicing manipulating her shield. Well, she figured out last night that she can more easily shield someone if she's touching them. It also helps if she closes her eyes - she said it's easier to concentrate."

He nodded and she continued. "Emmett overheard Edward complaining that no one but Alice and Bella would play chess with him anymore, and said that he would if Bella would shield him so Edward couldn't read his mind."

"I'm assuming it worked?" Carlisle asked.

"Like a charm. They've all taken turns playing him-they're finishing up round two now. Edward's been a little sulky" (at this, his head shot up and he glared at Esme, who giggled unrepentantly) "because the others can actually hold their own against him now."

Carlisle chuckled. "I imagine that will take some getting used to, but I think that once he does, he'll enjoy the challenge."

They stood there a moment longer before heading for their suite. They were almost to the stairs when they heard Jasper's triumphant "Checkmate!" and Edward's disappointed growl behind them.

**A/N: Again, I'd love to know what you think.**


	3. Captain Emmettpants

Disclaimer: Not mine. If they were, Bella would've made Edward grovel at the end of New Moon, Edward would've given Bella hell for kissing Jacob in Eclipse, and Renesmee - if she existed at all - would've had a normal name.

**A/N: This was inspired by a couple of tweets with sweetishbubble. Thanks to badjujube for pre-reading.**

**~*Captain Emmettpants*~**

"Emmett McCarty Cullen, get your butt back here RIGHT NOW!"

Bella looked up at Edward, eyes wide. "Was that Esme...yelling?" she asked in shock. "I've never heard her even raise her voice before, much less shout."

Shaking his head in exasperation - or was it amusement? - he replied, "Even Esme has her breaking point."

"What are you talking about?" The words had no sooner left her mouth than a blur of black, red, and white nearly knocked her off her feet, followed by a smaller blur of caramel and white. Edward steadied her before she could fall and growled at his brother.

"Sorry, Bella!" she heard from the garage.

Bella looked at Edward, mouth agape. "Was that Emmett?"

"Yes."

"And Esme chasing him?"

"Yes."

"Alright, Edward, what's going on around here?"

Before he could answer, Emmett came tearing through the living room again, Esme in hot pursuit.

"EMMETT! I'M NOT JOKING AROUND! GET UPSTAIRS AND PUT SOME CLOTHES ON RIGHT THIS MINUTE!"

Leading Bella to the sofa, Edward began to explain. "Last week, when you were sick, Jasper and Emmett drove down to the Borders in Olympia. Emmett ended up in the children's section, and they were doing a reading of Captain Underpants. For whatever reason, the story made a huge impression on him. He bought the whole series and now he's running around pretending to be Captain Underpants."

Bella looked at him for a minute before bursting into laughter. "You're telling me that Emmett - all 6'5" of him - is running around in tighty whities and a polka-dot cape?"

"YOU'RE GROUNDED, MISTER! DO YOU HEAR ME?" Esme's proclamation was followed by the sound of Emmett's laughter.

"That's exactly what I'm telling you. And he'll only answer to Captain Emmettpants."

This started a fresh wave of giggles, and Edward waited patiently for Bella to get herself under control.

Emmett and Esme ran by again, with Emmett taunting, "If you want me to get dressed, you're gonna have to catch me first."

"I take it," she said, gasping, "that Esme isn't a fan of his new persona?"

"That's putting it mildly. Rosalie, of course, loves having him half-naked all the time. Even Carlisle can't keep a straight face, but Esme? She put up with it for a couple of days before she -"

"Lost her shit?" asked the vampire causing all the trouble. He grinned at Bella, flashing the dimples that usually kept Esme from getting _too _ mad at his antics. "Jasper was messing with her moods for me until she yelled at him. I really don't get why she's so mad; at least nothing's getting broken. Well, except that one table, but it's not my fault Rose jumped me."

Utterly distracted by the memory of what happened his first day as Captain Emmettpants, the big vampire didn't hear his mother creeping up behind him until...

"Gotcha!" Esme twisted his arm behind his back as Edward and Bella howled with laughter.

"For children's books, the series wasn't bad, but my favorite character was Wedgie Woman." With an evil grin, Esme grabbed the back of Emmett's Fruit of the Looms and YANKED.


	4. Other Half

**Disclaimer: **Not mine. If they were, Bella would've made Edward grovel at the end of New Moon, Edward would've given Bella hell for kissing Jacob in Eclipse, and Renesmee - if she existed at all -would have a normal name.

**A/N: LovelyBrutal and badjujube pre-read.**

**~*Other Half*~**

He was soft (lips and hair) and hard (everywhere else), and smelled like love and sex and sunshine and boy. I couldn't stop kissing him, touching him, trying to absorb him because there was no such thing as close enough.

I'd never believed that a woman needed a man to complete her, to validate her worth as a person, but I knew without a doubt that Edward was my other half. That I'd been missing something, without even realizing it, until he came into my life. He was everything I'd ever wanted in a man (smart and funny and romantic) and nothing I didn't (arrogant and controlling and dull).

Everything he said and did was with me in mind. Even now, half-crazed with want, he was more focused on me than his own pleasure. He worshipped me with hands and mouth, and it was at once too much and not enough.

His teeth gently nipped at the soft, pale skin of my thighs. His lips kissed and suckled until he marked me visibly as his. And his tongue...his tongue tasted the wet silk of my sex, and all I could do was scream his name as I shattered.

~*~*O*~*~

As I came down from my climax, he worked his way back up my body, his weeping erection rubbing against my leg. With an almost feral growl, I pushed him onto his back and grasped him in my hand. His hips bucked off the bed as I rubbed his glistening tip with my thumb. After only a couple of strokes, I couldn't wait any longer and took him into my mouth. I scraped gently up and down his length with my teeth, feeling my desire grow as he moaned. I swirled my tongue around his head, dipping into the slit before starting all over again.

My whole world narrowed to the man beneath me. His scent (a heady combination of his soap, detergent, cologne, and just _him_), the feel of velvet-covered steel on my tongue, the pleasure-pain of his hands grasping my hair (harder, please!). Eyes closed, head thrashing, fingers clenching and pulling - he was completely lost in the moment. I had never seen anything so beautiful in my life and the overwhelming rush of emotions brought tears to my eyes.

The moment didn't call for words, so I concentrated on showing him how much I loved him. I wanted - needed - him to feel the same way he made me feel. Loved. Desired. Cherished. With that in mind, I set about bringing him to his release.

I nipped gently with my teeth. I stroked with my hands and tongue, all the while listening to the moans and gasps that fell from his lips. He came at last, calling out my name, as I swallowed around him.

Blue-green eyes met brown, and we spoke as one, "I love you."


End file.
